I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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