Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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