the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
