Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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