So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
