at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
