Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
