You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
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You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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