Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
