I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
