I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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