OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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