Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
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You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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