saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
