I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
why do cheetos always look like penises
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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