You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
