It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
