TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize