I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
