Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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