fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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