Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
