There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
