Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
