Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
