If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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