puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
