so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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