i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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