I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
