It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
