yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
