I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
