You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
