wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
