2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize