So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
