Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
