I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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