meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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