the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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