Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
