just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
