My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
