It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
