What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize