I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
