just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
