It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
