I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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