I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
