Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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