Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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