fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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