How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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